If you are married to a partner who controls your finances, then you may have a variety of arguments about money. While money arguments are one of the top causes of stress in a relationship, according to studies, some difficulties go far beyond the normal bickering and arguing. If your partner watches every penny you spend, keeps money from you, or refuses to let you see bank account statements, then you may be married to a financial bully. Marriage counseling can help you and your partner to work on this sort of issue. Keep reading to learn about what may happen in counseling to help you and your spouse with a financially abusive situation.
Finding The Route Of The Problem
While some financial bullies are abusive individuals, many people who try to control finances are loving partners when money is not involved. For some, the financial bullying may be linked directly to control issues. Specifically, your partner may feel a loss of control in life and exert control over finances as a way of exerting direct influence over his or her life.
If you notice your partner exerting control over other aspects of your life together, then this may be the root cause of the bullying issues. Some examples of control include setting specific and concrete household rules, following a strict diet, and cleaning the home obsessively. If this sounds like your partner, then your marriage counselor will work with you and your spouse to find the cause of the need for control.
Some examples of issues that lead to control are anxiety, depression, past abuses, poor self esteem, a fear of losing control, and a perfectionist attitude. Once the cause is found, then therapy sessions will work on how you and your spouse can overcome the problem together.
Dealing With Anger
Anger is an emotion that you likely feel when your partner controls finances, and your anger may lead to similar emotions in your partner. However, a cycle of anger between you and your spouse is likely to lead to poor emotional management and the onset of reactionary actions and words. Anger can also hide the true issues in a relationship that need to be explored to create a more financially healthy environment.
Feelings of anger will be dealt with in counseling through a variety of different tactics. You and your spouse are likely to learn anger management techniques that include meditation, journal writing, implementing an exercise routine, and creating a stress management plan.
Also, proper communication skills will be learned so you and your spouse can speak with one another with respect and understanding. This can help to deescalate serious conversations about money so that blaming and attacking language can be avoided. Good communication can help you, your partner, and your counselor to come up with a financial situation that is more conducive to a healthy relationship. For example, you may come up with a solution to separate bank accounts and to split money so your partner can earn trust and you can have access to money.
When I first started understanding my anxiety, I realized that I wasn't capable of taking care of the issue on my own. Instead of trying to quietly navigate my condition, I decided to start working towards understanding the counseling process. I focused on finding the right counselor, and then I worked hard in therapy day in and day out. This blog is all about understanding how counseling can help, because I know how much it helped me. You never know, by talking with the right person and tackling your issues head-on, you might be able to enjoy a more fulfilling life.